My testimony.

There’s the saying that you can’t have a testimony without tests.

Everyone has a story. If you’re reading this, you have a path that has lead you to where you are today. You have a story. No one’s testimony is greater or smaller than another’s. It’s YOUR story, uniquely yours.

In just looking back at my life, I’m amazed at the faithfulness of God that he's shown in my 28 years.

June 11, 1984, I was born. I was perfectly healthy except when I was born the doctor’s noticed that I had a swollen foot. Just so happened my pediatrician had just been to a conference about Turner Syndrome and he thought this might be what I have (what are the odds?). I was tested and what do you know...that's what I had. You can read more about Turner Syndrome here. There are many, many symptoms due to Turner’s so a lot of my younger years involved a lot of endocrinologist appts. Another symptom is hearing loss.  So I have hearing loss in both ears and have had lots of ear surgeries even into adulthood.  Also, due to Turner’s they say I can’t have kids. But I know God has the final say. But if having kids of my own is not God’s plan for me, I know there are other ways to build a family someday and that is the desire of my heart.  With all my health issues I always felt like there was something wrong with me, that I wasn’t normal like all the other girls. I realized though that this is all a part of my story. A story beautifully written for me and things could be so much worse, so I count my blessings every day.

My parents divorced when I was only a baby. My relationship with my real father is pretty non-existent and has really taken its toll on a lot of other areas of my life.  With girls, that relationship with your father is so vitally important. I’ve had to work through a lot of feelings of rejection and my feelings of self-worth. I’ve finally come to terms and thankful that my hope can be found in my heavenly father.

My Mom remarried after my Dad. She married a wonderful man who loved my brother and me as his own. In that marriage my sister was born. And when my sister was only a baby and I was 7, he passed away in a boating accident. We were out on the water for a day of boating. I was in the water and the boat was drifting further and further away from me. I was panicking and he jumped in to get me. He got in the water to help me and he never came back up. Still to this day don’t know exactly what happened.

It was a very hard time for our family and we couldn’t understand how something like this could happen. I didn’t always grow up in a Christian home, so we didn’t have the hope of Jesus to pull us through this time. We didn’t understand about God’s plan in the good and hard times.

My Mom was a single Mom for many years raising three kids. My brother and mom had a very rocky relationship. Following Scott’s passing for many years my brother had so much built up anger that he just didn’t know how to deal with. He went through a rebellious stage, didn’t want to follow rules and wanted to live life his own way. He moved out of our house when I was in middle school and moved in with our Grandma (my dad’s Mom). Honestly, it was the best thing for him, my mom, and our family because their relationship would not be what it is today. It’s an amazing one and now my brother has a wife and two beautiful kids of his own.

My mom remarried again in 1998 and in 2005 due to circumstances which I will not get into, that marriage ended and our church turned their back on us. We were devastated and our world was rocked and we had lost a whole family and church family. God had for many years been in the picture at this point and it’s only by his grace that we got through this time.

As you can see, the area of my life in the father department has not always been an easy one. But God more than made up for it with my amazingly exceptional mother. She is not perfect and we were not perfect, but she’s always loved us fiercely and was always the best mother she could be.

My Mom then met Larry in 2009 and shortly thereafter they were married. We all knew this was it. She had found her forever and they would grow old together. We finally had found a real father. Not only was he a father but a great friend. We were a blended family and finally we gained a real family and had no clue the extent to which we’d be forever bonded. My Mom and Larry only had a short 2.5 years together before he was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer which would take him a few short weeks later. The time between Larry’s diagnosis and the time he passed will be forever etched in my heart. It’s not about quantity but quality and he left a huge impact on my life and the void in my heart will be forever there with him gone.  I can whole heartedly say that I got my father here on earth.

So that leads us to now. I'm sure there are alot of inbetween moments I'm missing... but these are clear ways God has revealed himself in my life and so beautifully written my story. I don’t know what the rest of my/our testimony holds. The bible says you will have trials and tribulations, but take heart because he has overcome the world. There will be many great moments I’m sure, and not so great moments. Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on all the things we’re grateful for and I guess today I’m grateful for my testimony and for the testimony of my family.

If you’ve been a reader of this blog, you might already know some of this, but if you’re new, this is my story. I’m thankful that each and every thing I have had to go through, that we have had to go through, and still yet to go through, is a chance to grow, deepen my faith, and lean on God just a little bit more. We are resiliant!

I know people can look back and remember the exact day they asked Jesus to come into their heart. As horrible as this sounds, I can’t. All I know is there was a day when I looked back on everything and thought there has to be a God. There’s no way I could have come out the other side if there wasn’t.

From that moment, he persude me, and I’m so glad he did!

The weekend.

Creative title, huh?

 

I heart weekends so so much! It was one of those weekends I hated to see end. The Florida weather was just gorgeous and it was packed full of wonderful family time. If I've said it once, I've said it a million times... I am truly truly blessed with the family God gave me. Our family is not perfect, but would not trade it for anything in the world.

 

Got some good quality niece time in. My niece MacKenzie is two and developing such a fun personality and so FUN to be around.

 

As I said Friday, we had Thanksgiving Part 1 with Larry's Clan on Saturday. I wish I had gotten more pictures of this :(

 

Thanksgiving food is hands down my favorite food EVER!! LIKE EVER!!!

 

Nothing in this world makes me happier than a full house. For me a full house equals a full heart. I love when we're all together.

 

The end of all the festivities called for a glass of wine. Pink Moscato to be exact. Do yourself a favor, go out and get you some. BEST stuff ever and I'm not a huge wine drinker.



My pretty sis and niece.

 

 

My oldest niece Lexi and I being goofy.

 

Then to top off the weekend my Mom and I went to go see the new James Bond movie!!! Soooooo good. And that's coming from a person who could typically care less about these type of movies. My mom wanted me to go with her and she made the comment that if I'm going to get married to a husband some day that I better learn to like or at least endure these sort of movies...HA! I guess she's right, huh? But I was pleasantly surprised. I might just be a new James Bond fan and need to go back in the James Bond archives and watch the rest!! :)

 



 

It was a weekend I can safefully say was a GREAT one. Hope yours was too!!!!

 

And here's to a short work week and more family time coming up this week with Thanksgiving Part 2 for me. YAY!!! :)

The holidays.

We knew the time would come.

Back when my dad was diagnosed with brain cancer in January of this year and was only given a few weeks to live, and then passed away February 9th, we knew the year ahead would be full of alot of firsts without him.

 

Here we are going into the holiday season and we can already feel the void and an ache in our hearts for the person we miss so much. Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks and our family knows we have so so much to be thankful for. Truly we do. The way God has gotten us through this first year without our dad can only come from his grace alone and for that we have alot to be thankful for.

 

We have spent most of us this year all grieving in our own ways. We've just been trying to  navigate and deal with our emotions following the passing of my Mom's husband and our amazing father.

 

This weekend we are having Thanksgiving with "Larry's Clan" as we have affectiontely named ourselves. For those of you who don't know, we are a blended family and have still remained very close. That was so so important to him and he expressed that desire so many times before he passed.  I'm looking forward to all of us being together, chowing down on good food, hopefully lots of laughing, sharing fond memories, and reflecting on this past year and giving thanks.

 

 

This was our last family picture after he was diagnosed. I remember that day so vividly. There was so much laughter during this time when we were just trying to enjoy the days we had left with him. It's hard to believe we're coming up on almost a year later.

 

Today, I'm so thankful for this amazing family God has given me! I'm thankful that as hard as this past year was and I will not be sad to see it go..... 

 

God still remained faithful. I'm so thankful.

Have a great weekend.

Girl's night at the fair!

This past weekend my mom, sis, and I enjoyed a wonderful time at the fair. I have not been to a fair in FOREVER, so I felt like I was a little kid again!

One MAJOR observation is fair rides have soooooo changed over the years. Because one ride particular, I have burned the name of it out of my mind.... but let me just tell you I have never in my life wanted to get off a ride so bad. I may have been screaming the whole time, "Lord...if you just let me live, I promise I will do your work for the rest of my life." It was quite the entertainment for my sis though, lol! It was the longest ride of my life!!

Other than that, the fair was a complete blast. The pictures speak for themselves!

Me and my sis!

My beautiful Momma!

Who doesn't love skee ball???? :)

This ride dropped you! I may or may not have lost my stomach, ha!

View from the top of the Ferris Wheel.

There was a place where you could feed the animals. They were SO cute!!!

Not pictured {{GASP}} is the funnel cake we devoured in like two seconds flat. How can you possibly leave without having one of those? Also, didn't get a picture of the two fish I won, LOL! I had a coupon to come back and get them at the end of the night and forget to pick them up. Oh well, would have been dead the next day, right?? I just love EVERYTHING about the fair. It was such a fun, fun night. Love these women and it was just the girl's night we needed!! 

Can you keep a secret?

Okay.......

It's been awhile since this blog has been light-hearted.

Soooooooo, lets talk PLL.

Oh.my.word.

This is my crack (not that I would know) these days!!

Holy addiction!!!!!!!!! This show is so flippin good!!

I've just recently been introduced to the crazy town of Rosewood and these Pretty Little Liars. Catching up with the seasons has TAKEN OVER my life! No joke. I've spent many of weekends having PLL marathons and not to mention envying the amazing fashion of these girls. Obsessed much????

So it's no secret now. Here is a TV junkie in ALL it's glory!!!!!

ABC Family. Tuesday nights. WATCH. And do yourself a favor and catch up before it comes back on January 8th. You'll thank me! I pinky promise!

It might possibly lean on the side of a being a teenie bopper show but I LOVE LOVE LOVE. Don't judge, ha!! But in my defense, it's an incredibly well-written show for ABC Family!!!

Any other PLL fans out there?????? :)

Happy Monday!!

Social media.

I'm just going to be straight up honest with you.

I'm an addict.

To social media that is.

As many others of you might be out there. It's all around us. Our phones are like a computer we can take with us wherever we go. We have the capability of being connected 24/7.

Honestly, this has affected alot of areas in my life.

I have tried many, many times to disconnect but have failed each and EVERY single time.

Last week I deleted my Facebook and Twitter and the apps from my phone. I've done this many times but there was something different about this time. I knew this time that this was it and I was going to do it and I was going to follow through.

I was craving a change, a change that I knew was long past due. I had lost all capability of being able to truly live in the moment. I didn't like the person I was becoming, and if I'm being truly honest with myself, it's the kind of person I'd been for while.

I think what really did it for me and solified my decision was when I was spending time with my 7-year old niece a couple of weekends ago and she directly asked me "Why are you always on your phone?" ......

Ouch!

My heart dropped. I never want her to feel that updating my Facebook status is more important than her or have her wait a moment while I send that tweet. I don't want to put social media above anyone or anything that is important in my life and I realized that's exactly what I was doing.

That one simple question was humbling and caused me to reflect on where my priorities are.

I'm already noticing that my life feels less cluttered, there's not as much noise because I'm not constantly filling my head with people's FB post/statuses or tweets and all things social media.

Who knows, I might have it again sometime. But for right now, I don't see it anywhere in the near future.

I want to control social media, not have social media control me.

Anyone else struggle with this??

For whatever it's worth.

You poor, poor readers (those of you that are still hanging around)..

I feel like this little ole’ blog of mine has gotten to the point of no return, ha!

But if you’re reading this today, it’s not by accident. I’ve had a blog post stirring in my heart for awhile now. Hoping and praying that maybe, just maybe it’s something that you needed to hear today.

It’s three simple words actually.

YOU.ARE.WORTHY.

Yes, ________ (insert your name here), you are worthy.

I have spent so so much of my life battling in my head this simple concept, and truly valuing and accepting my own self-worth.

I often wonder to myself, that person looking back at me in the mirror each morning, how much do I truly value, cherish, and love that person? What exactly do I see? Do I see all my flaws and start listing them one by one, or do I see beauty, a child of the King?

Let me back up for a minute.

Had sort of a mental/emotional meltdown last week. My Mom (bless her) could sense something was not right and that I was off. She finally said “Lauren, sit down” and asked me what was wrong. All she had to do was ask me that question and the tears came and it just spilled out. This is the deal, I’m a HUGE people pleaser. To A FAULT. Look that up in the dictionary and my picture is so there. If everyone around me is happy, I’m happy. The word “No” is not in my vocabulary. I’ve been feeling so super stretched lately with everything and everyone. Because I am so busy and I don’t want to let anyone down and them feel like they’re being neglected, that they’re not important to me, and etc. The best way I can describe it is it’s like someone is taking a chisel (um, that would be me) and breaking off pieces of me to everything and everyone, and at the end there’s nothing left for me (and for God) and I feel depleted. Not good, not good. So it finally came to a head and once I got it out, it feels so much better. But oh do I need to make some major changes, because I will NOT do this anymore and I CANNOT do this anymore. I need a healthy balance, and hopefully I’ll get there. But recognizing it and knowing that I need to do something about it is a start.

We are our own WORST critics, that’s for sure. I wish we (or at least me) could always look in the mirror and see our own self-worth and love the person looking back at us and be able to see ourselves the way God sees us. I’m not even talking about our bodies or physical appearance, but there’s always the voice telling you  that we could be a better daughter, sister, friend, and that we’re never doing enough and blah blah blah (whatever it maybe). It’s a constant, constant battle!!!

We are worthy. I owe it to myself, you owe it to yourself if you are struggling with the same thing. I am worth it to finally tell that voice in my head to shut the heck up, to say no when I need to say no, to find that balance I crave, and to accept and love myself and realize I’m not perfect.

But I do know I serve a perfect God where my love, acceptance, value, and worth are found.

So that's kind of what's been stirring in my head and heart the past month, for whatever it's worth! :)