Tuesday, September 4, 2012

For whatever it's worth.

You poor, poor readers (those of you that are still hanging around)..

I feel like this little ole’ blog of mine has gotten to the point of no return, ha!
But if you’re reading this today, it’s not by accident. I’ve had a blog post stirring in my heart for awhile now. Hoping and praying that maybe, just maybe it’s something that you needed to hear today.
It’s three simple words actually.
Yes, ________ (insert your name here), you are worthy.
I have spent so so much of my life battling in my head this simple concept, and truly valuing and accepting my own self-worth.
I often wonder to myself, that person looking back at me in the mirror each morning, how much do I truly value, cherish, and love that person? What exactly do I see? Do I see all my flaws and start listing them one by one, or do I see beauty, a child of the King?
Let me back up for a minute.
Had sort of a mental/emotional meltdown last week. My Mom (bless her) could sense something was not right and that I was off. She finally said “Lauren, sit down” and asked me what was wrong. All she had to do was ask me that question and the tears came and it just spilled out. This is the deal, I’m a HUGE people pleaser. To A FAULT. Look that up in the dictionary and my picture is so there. If everyone around me is happy, I’m happy. The word “No” is not in my vocabulary. I’ve been feeling so super stretched lately with everything and everyone. Because I am so busy and I don’t want to let anyone down and them feel like they’re being neglected, that they’re not important to me, and etc. The best way I can describe it is it’s like someone is taking a chisel (um, that would be me) and breaking off pieces of me to everything and everyone, and at the end there’s nothing left for me (and for God) and I feel depleted. Not good, not good. So it finally came to a head and once I got it out, it feels so much better. But oh do I need to make some major changes, because I will NOT do this anymore and I CANNOT do this anymore. I need a healthy balance, and hopefully I’ll get there. But recognizing it and knowing that I need to do something about it is a start.

We are our own WORST critics, that’s for sure. I wish we (or at least me) could always look in the mirror and see our own self-worth and love the person looking back at us and be able to see ourselves the way God sees us. I’m not even talking about our bodies or physical appearance, but there’s always the voice telling you  that we could be a better daughter, sister, friend, and that we’re never doing enough and blah blah blah (whatever it maybe). It’s a constant, constant battle!!!

We are worthy. I owe it to myself, you owe it to yourself if you are struggling with the same thing. I am worth it to finally tell that voice in my head to shut the heck up, to say no when I need to say no, to find that balance I crave, and to accept and love myself and realize I’m not perfect.

But I do know I serve a perfect God where my love, acceptance, value, and worth are found.
So that's kind of what's been stirring in my head and heart the past month, for whatever it's worth! :)