Monday, May 18, 2009

From my heart to yours!

As I was driving home from school tonight, a million jumbled thoughts were going around in my mind, and at the time wishing I had a pen and paper to write it all down. Now I'm home in my room where it's quiet and trying to gather them together as I try to make sense of them so I can adequately portray what I want to say and how I'm feeling. So I'm praying the words will flow freely...

I should start by saying that I'm going to be taking a few months off from my blog, in fact, the whole social networking thing as a whole, so that goes for Facebook and Twitter as well. A little bit much, might you say, but I've known for a long time that I've wanted/needed to do this.

I'm in the starts of a new semester at school, alot going on within the next few months that I need to focus on. There's going to be alot of change in my life coming up here soon, and just need to take this time to prepare my heart for it all and get back to where I need to be with Jesus.

Lately, and by lately, I mean for a very long time now I've had a VERY big focus on the computer. It's become more like an addiction. And I've always been aware of it, but now it's become so heavy on my heart and burdensome that I know I have to step away from it completely for awhile. Jesus has been trying to draw me back in and take over these areas in my life that have consumed my thoughts and time and have ultimately caused me to take my focus off of him.

I'll be honest, I love the computer. I love my blog, I love Facebook, and I love Twitter, and that's all well and good but I NEVER want to love all this more than I LOVE him, and I'm being real, and it's gotten to that point. I'm human, this world gets us distracted and there's some many things other than the computer that via for our attention.

I've been out of church for sometime now, I'll admit, and again, keeping it real. And I've been in a really dry season, haven't been spiritually fed in a long time, and now I've reached the point where I'm just thirsty and just need to take some time to get my well filled back up. I know that during this season, God has never left me. I long for that connection of a church family and that sense of belonging that comes with it and desperately hoping that he will point me in the right direction.

I'm praying to become a better employee because I'm ashamed to say that alot of my attention has been focused on the internet while at work (blogging, facebook, twitter, etc.) and that's just flat out wrong and I know it. That's not what they're paying me for and they treat me too well and they deserve better than that. I'm not going to beat myself up about it though, but I'm making a choice here and now to turn this situation around.

School has been a real struggle for me as well lately. My focus hasn't been there, the passion, desire, determination, have just kind of fizzled. So I'm hoping to rekindle all that. I know this is where God's planted me and I want to be diligent with the seed he has sewn and want to cultivate it and see it blossom. He deserves nothing but 110% from me, especially since this is his destiny I'm walking out. Wouldn't you agree?

There are so many relationships I want to see flourish, and he has put some sweet and amazing people in my life and would like to spend more time investing in those relationships. Friendships are God's gift to us, and you have to put effort into them and you have to give it the time and focus that they need. So over the next few months I'll be working in this area too.

I am in NO way discrediting the awesomeness of the blog world. It's a beautiful thing, but it becomes unbeautiful real quick if there's no balance, right perspective, and then it becomes burdensome and weighs heavy on you and then the fun is sucked right out of it. I have made such wonderful friends and I consider myself extremely blessed. And I know I can come to you and ask that you please whenever you think about it, pray for me over these next few months, and specifically these areas which I have mentioned.

This is going to be so well-worth it for me and I don't want to come back the same person, but want to be better than ever! I really felt I needed to disable the comments on this one. If you would like to stay in touch, please feel free to e-mail me (you can find my e-mail on the right side of my blog), and seriously, if you want my # to chat (I trust you people what can I say, haha), e-mail me and I'll give it to you.

Be praying for me please, and I'll be praying for you. Love you!!

The best of my heart,