Tuesday, November 20, 2012

My testimony.


There’s the saying that you can’t have a testimony without tests.
Everyone has a story. If you’re reading this, you have a path that has lead you to where you are today. You have a story. No one’s testimony is greater or smaller than another’s. It’s YOUR story, uniquely yours.
In just looking back at my life, I’m amazed at the faithfulness of God that he's shown in my 28 years.
June 11, 1984, I was born. I was perfectly healthy except when I was born the doctor’s noticed that I had a swollen foot. Just so happened my pediatrician had just been to a conference about Turner Syndrome and he thought this might be what I have (what are the odds?). I was tested and what do you know...that's what I had. You can read more about Turner Syndrome here. There are many, many symptoms due to Turner’s so a lot of my younger years involved a lot of endocrinologist appts. Another symptom is hearing loss.  So I have hearing loss in both ears and have had lots of ear surgeries even into adulthood.  Also, due to Turner’s they say I can’t have kids. But I know God has the final say. But if having kids of my own is not God’s plan for me, I know there are other ways to build a family someday and that is the desire of my heart.  With all my health issues I always felt like there was something wrong with me, that I wasn’t normal like all the other girls. I realized though that this is all a part of my story. A story beautifully written for me and things could be so much worse, so I count my blessings every day.
My parents divorced when I was only a baby. My relationship with my real father is pretty non-existent and has really taken its toll on a lot of other areas of my life.  With girls, that relationship with your father is so vitally important. I’ve had to work through a lot of feelings of rejection and my feelings of self-worth. I’ve finally come to terms and thankful that my hope can be found in my heavenly father.
My Mom remarried after my Dad. She married a wonderful man who loved my brother and me as his own. In that marriage my sister was born. And when my sister was only a baby and I was 7, he passed away in a boating accident. We were out on the water for a day of boating. I was in the water and the boat was drifting further and further away from me. I was panicking and he jumped in to get me. He got in the water to help me and he never came back up. Still to this day don’t know exactly what happened.
It was a very hard time for our family and we couldn’t understand how something like this could happen. I didn’t always grow up in a Christian home, so we didn’t have the hope of Jesus to pull us through this time. We didn’t understand about God’s plan in the good and hard times.
My Mom was a single Mom for many years raising three kids. My brother and mom had a very rocky relationship. Following Scott’s passing for many years my brother had so much built up anger that he just didn’t know how to deal with. He went through a rebellious stage, didn’t want to follow rules and wanted to live life his own way. He moved out of our house when I was in middle school and moved in with our Grandma (my dad’s Mom). Honestly, it was the best thing for him, my mom, and our family because their relationship would not be what it is today. It’s an amazing one and now my brother has a wife and two beautiful kids of his own.
My mom remarried again in 1998 and in 2005 due to circumstances which I will not get into, that marriage ended and our church turned their back on us. We were devastated and our world was rocked and we had lost a whole family and church family. God had for many years been in the picture at this point and it’s only by his grace that we got through this time.
As you can see, the area of my life in the father department has not always been an easy one. But God more than made up for it with my amazingly exceptional mother. She is not perfect and we were not perfect, but she’s always loved us fiercely and was always the best mother she could be.
My Mom then met Larry in 2009 and shortly thereafter they were married. We all knew this was it. She had found her forever and they would grow old together. We finally had found a real father. Not only was he a father but a great friend. We were a blended family and finally we gained a real family and had no clue the extent to which we’d be forever bonded. My Mom and Larry only had a short 2.5 years together before he was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer which would take him a few short weeks later. The time between Larry’s diagnosis and the time he passed will be forever etched in my heart. It’s not about quantity but quality and he left a huge impact on my life and the void in my heart will be forever there with him gone.  I can whole heartedly say that I got my father here on earth.
So that leads us to now. I'm sure there are alot of inbetween moments I'm missing... but these are clear ways God has revealed himself in my life and so beautifully written my story. I don’t know what the rest of my/our testimony holds. The bible says you will have trials and tribulations, but take heart because he has overcome the world. There will be many great moments I’m sure, and not so great moments. Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on all the things we’re grateful for and I guess today I’m grateful for my testimony and for the testimony of my family.
If you’ve been a reader of this blog, you might already know some of this, but if you’re new, this is my story. I’m thankful that each and every thing I have had to go through, that we have had to go through, and still yet to go through, is a chance to grow, deepen my faith, and lean on God just a little bit more. We are resiliant!
I know people can look back and remember the exact day they asked Jesus to come into their heart. As horrible as this sounds, I can’t. All I know is there was a day when I looked back on everything and thought there has to be a God. There’s no way I could have come out the other side if there wasn’t.
From that moment, he persude me, and I’m so glad he did!

12 comments:

Rebecca Jo said...

Thank you for sharing your story... that God is continuing to write even today!!!

We did Sunday with the youth, the "Cardboard Testimony"... I cry when every turn of the cardboard showed how God worked through situations... Well, God is working in yours too

Sending you HUGS!
Love you lady!!!

Aishlea and Brandon said...

This is beautiful. God is so, so good. Love you!

Mallory said...

Thank you for sharing this. I was just thinking yesterday that since you let me share so much of my story with you, I wanted to hear about yours, and then I woke up to this! God is good, and we both have beautiful stories of redemption to prove it. Love you, sweet friend!

Natalie said...

You are a living example of strength and faith.

Love you!!!

Kaysie said...

Even through all the hard times, you have an amazing outlook on life, Lauren, and a very special story.

BARBIE said...

Lauren, thank you for sharing your story. I have read your blog for some time and wasn't aware of some of your journey. God is so faithful and I thank Him for giving you an earthly father to love, if even for a short time, and beautiful and strong mama!

Green Girl said...

You are amazing. This is your journey and we all have our own to go through and you have led such a full life but know the best is yet to come!

Kristin said...

I agree with the other ladies...such a wonderful, inspiring story!! You are a treasure...don't ever believe differently!!

Katie @ Loves of Life said...

love you sweet lady!

Katie @ Loves of Life said...

love you sweet lady!

Todd and Courtney said...

so so glad you are one of my best friends. I got your text earlier but thought you might be asleep now. Love ya girlfriend, chat tomorrow!

Perfectly Imperfect said...

wow. you have such an amazing heart sweet lauren. god is truly using you! love you friend!