Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Cancer can suck it.

I go back and forth between sad and mad. Everyone assures me it's okay to be mad.

Honestly, Cancer can suck it, that's what I say.

This is our life, our reality right now, and it sucks.

Our anger, confusion, and questions...it doesn't take God by surprise.

This is my venting place. I thank God for this little space where I can dump all my emotions and thoughts, especially during times like right now.

I hate seeing cancer take over the brain of a once vibrant man who now struggles with the simplest of things like brushing his teeth and getting in and out of bed. Ask him about details of his day and he can't remember. He's so weak right now but we know where our strength comes from.

We shouldn't have been talking around the dinner table last night about arrangements for Larry's memorial and what songs he would like. It just doesn't seem fair. We're still continuing to believe for a miracle, but at the same time know God could have other plans.

I hate this for my Mom, I hate this for our family.

Cancer. You suck.

17 comments:

Kristin said...

Lauren - I am so sorry. This DOES suck BAD! I believe in God but these things are just so hard to understand and it isn't fair and it makes me angry too. I just keep praying that God will redeem these kinds of situations so that some good can come of them.

A little boy (3) from our old church found out he had JMML Lukemia the day before Christmas. His sister is a bone marrow match but now he has pnenumia and is fighting for his life...doctors are not hopeful he will survive to even get to try the transfer...it sucks and I just ache for the family.

Praying for peace and comfort for all of you during this time. God hear our cries!!!

Rebecca Jo said...

I hate cancer so much too...

I'm angry WITH you.. & FOR you all :(

I'm continuing to pray for you, Larry & the whole family... these are the most trying days ... & more are to come. Praying for PEACE in everything... decisions to be made, pain free days, Larry's transition from this world to the next, hearts to say everything that needs to be said... just PEACE

Love you friend!

Aishlea and Brandon said...

It SUCKS big time!!!!!! I don't know how you could not be angry!

I'm angry for you and I tell cancer to suck it too!!!

Melissa said...

I'm so sorry :( Praying for you guys

Stacy said...

I agree with you and I feel your pain. My dad died from lung cancer a few years ago. He had beat it for 17 years and then it came back. Cancer makes me so angry! Prayers going up for you and Larry!

Stacy
searchingforthegrateful.blogspot.com

Holly said...

praying for you all... it is such a balance between praying and believing in a miracle yet planning for this world. Know even in the most rotten moments God is with you all.. and He can take it ;) He's that good!

Linds said...

There are a slew of diseases that suck. Cancer, Alzheimers, Parkinsons, ALS... it all sucks.

And I totally think it's perfectly normal to be MAD. Good for you for being honest and not hiding behind a fake wall of perfection. I'm so sorry for yall and I'm mad for yall too.

There's a GREAT book on grief/loss called A Grace Disguised. It was really good for me to read it when I was going through my infertility stuff. It really helped me voice some of my frustrations and feelings. Grief is such a complicated thing that sometimes it can confuse even the person who is grieving as well as the people who are the onlookers. The guy who wrote the book writes out of personal experience with grief too. I'm praying for yall!

Hi, I'm Susan! said...

i'm so glad you have this space to share and be honest about your feelings. it's so good to get it out and don't you worry for one second about being angry or sad or any other emotion that comes your way. it's completely natural and it's good to actually feel them.

you know your family is in all of our prayers. believing that God is going to give you many special moments during these days.

xoxo

Lindsey said...

Cancer sucks!!! My heart is just breaking for you and your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you guys. HUGS!

Jess :) said...

Still PRAYING...PRAYING...PRAYING!

Oh, how if only we could just call and ask, "WHY? WHY? WHYYYYYY?"

Instead, we just have to keep TRUSTING in HIM because He knows WHY...even when we can't even begin to comprehend. :(

Hugs

Melissa said...

Cancer does suck! It's so very unfair! I'm still praying for y'all!

Girl in Carolina said...

You said it girl. It's not fair. You should NOT be having that discussion. I'm really sorry!!! I hope that in all this you all find some peace and comfort and closeness with each other.

But in the meantime...you suck, cancer.

Jessica @ Acting Adult said...

This space is for you to vent, and you're doing the grieving thing ahead of his passing and I feel awful for you and your family that you're having to go through it. I lost my dad suddenly and I'm not sure how I would have dealt with a slow goodbye. I hope that you and your family can enjoy those moments that you have left with him, and I agree, cancer can suck it.

BARBIE said...

I agree, cancer sucks. It's one of the two things I tell my children they are allowed to hate: sin and cancer. I have friends who have lost loved ones, my grandmother suffered for years and others are still struggling.

I am praying for your family!

ldsmommyof12 said...

I am remembering you all in my prayers. Carol in NC

Perfectly Imperfect said...

oh Lauren.. you know i am right there with you. praying, praying, praying sweet girl.

Makay said...

Oh dear.
I want to cry...
This post is... emotional...
Ky
www.thebirdssay.blogspot.com