Here we go again.

There's a couple of health issues I've had all of my life.

I was born with Turner Syndrome.

Secondly, I have hearing loss in both ears, which is in large part due to the Turner Syndrome.

I made yet another trip to the doctor this morning for my ears. It's an ongoing issue with these ears of mine. I have a hearing aid for my right ear. Anyway, my left ear has been giving me some issues for the last couple of months, it's been an on and off again thing. But the left ear is a mess. We've been keeping an eye on it and knew eventually it was going to need some surgical work. Well, it looks like surgery will be in my very near future here soon. I'm on medicine right now to get the ear under control and then have a follow-up in March to discuss surgery and proceed.

Remember me in this beauty back in 2010?

In life, it's easy to to define ourselves by our circumstances. But what life has given me, I've chosen to embrace it. Maybe one day God might open the doors for me to work with the hearing impaired, who the heck knows.

Trust me, there are moments where it sucks and I sit in my self-pity, but you can always look around and see people who have it way worse. And I say I'd do all this 100x over if this is all I have to deal with.

I'm blessed.

The Voice.

Do any of y'all watch the show "The Voice" on NBC?

It really is neat the whole concept of the judges not being able to see the performer but their opinion and decisions are based solely on what they hear. 

People get to share their voice. 

Isn't that kind of what this whole blogging thing is about?  We don't see the other person on the other side of the computer, but our opinions of that person are based on what we read. We have a voice and our sacred place on the internet is is where our voice lies.

I'm not a mommy blogger.

I'm not a married blogger.

I'm by no means a fashionista blogger.

I'm not a crafty blogger.

I feel like within the past couple of months I've kind of found where my voice lies.... To give people hope and to give a glimpse of how God can walk you through some of the hardest times when you choose to give it all to him. I feel like in sharing Larry's story with you, I was able to do that. I feel like if I did that then this whole blogging thing is so very worth it. I imagine it's the best voice to have.

It's so easy to compare. I may not be any of the above, but I'm going to grab that microphone with both hands. I may not be busting out any song lyrics, but this is my story and because this is my voice.

I guess it isn't so bad after all.

New beat.

Larry's gone. I'm still trying to process that.

He's the closest thing I've had to a father here on this earth and the closest anyone in my life has lived up to the name "Father." He's gone. It hurts.

I'm not going to lie, ever since his passing I've been in a funk. Depression might you call it. I'm trying to snap my way out, but the grieving, it hits you like a ton of bricks and you don't know when it's going to hit. It's at the strangest and most unexpected times.

I know the depression won't stay. It will eventually leave and it will get easier.  It's just a terribly hard season we're in right now.

Larry's memorial was last Saturday. Could not have been anymore beautiful of a tribute to a man's life. I was able to get up and speak and share what he meant to my life. Our family came together in such a way that honored him and know he would have been proud. It's been two weeks now. One thing you realize, time still marches on.

And I guess with that we're just trying to find our new beat.

Bare with me.

This song was sung at the very end of Larry's Memorial. It has ministered to me so much during this time.

If you're going through a season of your own, maybe these words might minster to you today. Thank you Lord, that there's no mountain, no valley, no gain or loss we know
could keep us from Your love and healing is in your hand.

Psalm 34:18 -  "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

A promise.

Throughout Larry's illness, Larry told me each and every, and I mean EVERY single day "May the Lord bless you beyond your wildest dreams."

I've been thinking about what he said a lot since he's been gone.

While Larry was sick, I made a promise to him that I'd finish school. It's been a journey and so many times I've wanted to just give up. But Larry's biggest dream for me was that I'd finish and make something great of my life and achieve my dreams. Larry reminded me that Rowland's never quit. We weren't blood but he considered me a Rowland. Makes me cry just typing that out. So I WILL finish and I'll make him proud and I'll do it for him.

His favorite saying was "Work hard and Trust God for the results." 

I go back to school next week.

I'm going to work hard.

I'm Trusting for results.

I made a promise. There's no way I can even think about not making good on it.

And know in the end, God will bless me beyond my wildest dreams! And I know a certain angel in Heaven has some connections with the big guy upstairs now and will see to that :)

J. Edgar "Larry" Lawrence Rowland.

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J Edgar “Larry” Lawrence Rowland, 61 of Sanford died peacefully at his home with his family by his side on Thursday, February 9, 2012.  Larry, a native Floridian, was born in Gainesville, FL on August 3, 1950.  Raised in Pompano Beach, FL he became an avid surfer and loved the water.   During college he was a youth pastor sharing the love of Jesus Christ for all to know Him as deeply as he did.  After graduating Florida Bible College in 1974 he started a career with Winn Dixie as a manager in Raleigh, North Carolina and then in Fort Pierce, Florida.  In 1986 Larry moved to Central Florida and started his career in sales.  In 1989 he joined the Tom James Company selling custom clothing and excelled so quickly that he achieved the President’s Club Award within three years.  Larry was an inspiring man to his family, friends and clients who were like family to him.  He took great pride in helping others look good and feel great in their new attire.  Larry was diagnosed with multiple brain tumors on January 4, 2012.  Even with this news, he never stopped trusting in Jesus or sharing the gospel with those around him often saying, “The good news is I get to see Jesus, the bad news is I get to see him before you do”.  He loved the Lord and was a devoted husband, father and grandfather and was extremely saddened that he had to leave his family behind.  Larry is survived by his loving wife, Mary; six children, Christy Peters, Deborah Calhoon, Joy Mentz, Blake Kelly, Lauren Kelly and Danielle Fredericks and six grandchildren, Emma, Adin, Ian, Taylor, Lexi and Mackenzie.   A Life Celebration will be held 10:30AM, Saturday, February 18, 2012 at Northland Church, (where he was a member for 20 years).

We got the news of Larry's passing out in the newspaper this week (I hate the word obituary). This is the picture we used and are using for the Memorial (It's our favorite of him) ..... We're looking forward to celebrating his life this weekend and honoring him. Hope we do him justice.

Also, there's is no doubt my Momma is one loved woman. She was showered with tons of love yesterday on her first Valentine's Day without Larry. But he was with her :)

L.O.V.E

Today my heart is heavy for my Mom. She is missing her her Valentine like crazy.

My Mom and Larry will forever be my example of what love is all about it. It's not so much by what they said but by how they walked it out.

I know I'm sharing this picture again, but if you want to see love, real tangible love, this is it friends!

Today, as a single gal, I choose not to let it be a reminder to me of what I'm missing. But I instead choose to focus on what I have to look forward to, God bringing me a kind of love like this someday!

A love like theirs.

From Heaven with love.

Feels weird that this is now all over.

It's Monday and I'm back at work today. The reality is life goes on. It must go on.

The past month has been an emotional roller-coaster to say the least for all of us during Larry's illness. We're having Larry's Memorial this Saturday. I'm sure it will be a beautiful celebration of Larry's life and of a life well lived.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and my heart breaks for my Mom. She will be missing her Valentine like crazy.

I got the memo from above and per the orders of Larry I'm going to send my Mom some flowers with a card that says "From your Valentine in Heaven." And I think it's only fitting to use the flowers from their wedding.

Don't you think???