Friday, February 24, 2012

New beat.

Larry's gone. I'm still trying to process that.

He's the closest thing I've had to a father here on this earth and the closest anyone in my life has lived up to the name "Father." He's gone. It hurts.

I'm not going to lie, ever since his passing I've been in a funk. Depression might you call it. I'm trying to snap my way out, but the grieving, it hits you like a ton of bricks and you don't know when it's going to hit. It's at the strangest and most unexpected times.

I know the depression won't stay. It will eventually leave and it will get easier.  It's just a terribly hard season we're in right now.

Larry's memorial was last Saturday. Could not have been anymore beautiful of a tribute to a man's life. I was able to get up and speak and share what he meant to my life. Our family came together in such a way that honored him and know he would have been proud. It's been two weeks now. One thing you realize, time still marches on.

And I guess with that we're just trying to find our new beat.

Bare with me.

This song was sung at the very end of Larry's Memorial. It has ministered to me so much during this time.

If you're going through a season of your own, maybe these words might minster to you today. Thank you Lord, that there's no mountain, no valley, no gain or loss we know
could keep us from Your love and healing is in your hand.

Psalm 34:18 -  "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."


Aishlea and Brandon said...

So sorry friend! My heart hurts for you. Praying the depression leaves you soon and you are filled with peace!

Erin said...

I've never lost anyone very close to me but I have suffered a miscarriage so I can relate on a small level. And the grief...oh the grief. I understand what you said about time marching on. I remember thinking, "How can those people be happy when I was pregnant this time last week and now I'm not." Over time, those thoughts became fewer and fewer. I knew that God was helping me and I know He is helping you, too. If I can offer you any advice based on what I went through: allow yourself time to grieve Larry. It's okay to be really sad but it's also ok to laugh. I wish someone would have told me that; I think I would have healed a lot faster.

Praying for you :-)

Erica said...

This is so hard, I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. It's the worst, just knowing nothing but time will help, and obviously we cannot speed up time. And knowing that even when the time has helped a little, it still won't be nearly enough.

I guess I shouldn't say NOTHING but time will help, because our prayers will help you and we know God will help you get through this too. Hang in there, and take your time grieving too. Many prayers!

Karleen said...

I'm not even sure how but I just stumbled onto your blog. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. This world we live in can be so harsh & cruel sometimes. But I also see the beauty in all the love you & your family have for Larry. I will be thinking of you & your family and praying that you may all find peace.

Taylor said...

I'm so sorry, sweet girl. You've still been in my prayers and will continue to be!

GreenGirl said...

I have to say... You have been on my mind! Prayers are with you during this time.
You are soooo very lucky to have known a love like his. Some people go through their whole lives not knowing that kind of love. You are blessed to have had him in your life.

BARBIE said...

I have no words that could every bring comfort. You've been in my thoughts and in my prayers and will remain there. I am so sorry.

Mrs. Pancakes said...

losing someone is the hardest thing you ca go's to wishing you nothing but God's comforting arms!

Jessica @ Acting Adult said...

When I was a week out from my father's funeral, I could not understand how life was going back to normal. I went to work, people went to their normal schedules and the laundry started to pile up. I couldn't even believe that I could ever get beyond it. Depression just didn't even seem like a big enough word to encompass what I was going through.

But I woke up every day, and smiled at his picture on my dresser. I knew that he wanted me to be happy and be the wonderful lady that he raised me to be. And I moved on. It's so tough, but a year and a half out, I don't burst into tears at every single song I hear anymore. I do still cry, I do miss him an incredibly amount, but the hurt does ease. It doesn't seem like it now, but it will get easier.

Trina said...

Friend I know exactly what you mean about the grief overwhelming you out of the blue. It had been 5 months the week of Valentine's since my Dad passed and I was doing better, then it hit me all over again. I found myself fighting back tears in public completely out of the blue and I was in a funk the rest of that week.

I still think of my dad everyday and still regret things everyday, but the Lord is helping my through it.

I'm still praying for you because I know how hard it is.

If you get time, I really think you would be helped by our pastor's sermon from yesterday. Here's the link It's a series called Running with the Giants and it's about Abraham.

Girl in Carolina said...

Love ya and praying for ya!!! xo