Thursday, August 26, 2010

Doubt, Fear, and Confusion!

Sounds like a pretty light-hearted post, huh?

I bet each of you reading this has dealt with these emotions at one time or another.

I’ve had this whole week off from school. It’s been very nice. It has also given me a lot of time to think and re-evaluate my priorities and what I consider important to me.

You’re more than welcome to skip this post but I’m writing this for me more than anything. I just need to type this out and process my feelings. I really feel like I haven’t lived up to my potential when it comes to school. In fact, I know I haven’t. It really all boils down to laziness. I can’t chalk it up to anything else. Sometimes it’s my own fear of failure that holds me back. And it’s true that one can be afraid of success. Have any of you ever dealt with this? How did you work thru it?

I’m also really trying to get out of some debt and the debt isn’t going to get rid of itself on its own. I have been living way beyond my means and I really didn’t realize just how much so until recently. It’s nothing I can’t get out of with a lot of hard work on my part. But I’ve found myself living in a lot of fear this past week concerning my finances. Worried that I’ll never get my head above water. Worried that I’ll always be living paycheck to paycheck. And frankly, that’s what I’m doing right now. I feel like I’ll never get out of this receptionist job that I’ve been at for 7 years. Yes, 7 years. But praise God, it’s a job, when so many people out there are jobless, and my needs have always been provided for. My bills have always been paid and I’ve never lacked. And I always try to remember that when fear wants to overtake me. I try to remember that there will come a time when I can live comfortably and will have a house to call my own someday.

There will come a time when school will become a distant memory and I’ll be established in my career and making a life for myself. But I’ll be honest, that day seems so far off and often times I find myself crying out to God, “There has got to be more to life than this”…, and still at times am doubtful that I'll see the completion of school. But I try to remember this verse:

Jeremiah 29:11 - 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'

These words give me so much encouragement when sometimes I’m just so confused as to where I’m at in this season of my life right now. Some seasons are shorter than others and this one has just seemed like a very looooong one.

But nonetheless, it’s a season in which God is trying to teach me, stretch me, and mold and shape me to prepare me for the next season of my life. I’ve begun to look at myself though, I mean really look at myself…. And I think I’ve been resisting to try to see what God is trying to do during this season because I’ve been pouting away in my little corner and a little upset with God because this season has lasted far longer than I’ve ever wanted it to.

I’ll be honest, at times I feel like I’m a forgotten one, and that I’ve been left on this path to walk around aimlessly with no direction. BUT I know this is not true.

So, have you found yourself in a similar time in life filled with doubt, fear, and confusion?

2 Timothy 1:7- ‘For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.’

Philippians 3:14- ‘I press on toward the goal to win the prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward.

So this is where I find myself right now. Putting myself before God and asking him to show himself in the midst of my doubt, fear, and confusion.


Meghan said...

Yes I am right there with you! You just feel like you are stuck in this phase of life and it will never end. I try to tell myself to be patient and it will come. I also remind myself that some day I will be looking back and thinking to myself why was I in such a rush with life! Hang in there!

Rebecca Jo said...

I love your honesty here... & love your turn to scripture in all of it... because believe me - it doesnt matter the age or the circumstance - others feel that same way... I know I do myself in a totally different area - but still, same feelings of feeling like a "forgotten one" ... so THANK YOU for your honesty & the verses.. .just shows how God uses all stages of life to teach yourself & others!

Love you friend!

Kristin said...

Oh my gosh! This sounds like you're writing about me! I always tell my mom that I've dug a hole for myself and every time I try to climb out it seems like the hole just gets deeper! If you ever need to vent or rant PLEASE e-mail me! It'd be nice to chat with someone who feels exactly like I do!

Adorably Distracted... said...

I hope you feel better after getting that out! I think a lot of people go through this. I hope everything works out the way you want it too!

Jenny said...

I felt just like that about 3 years ago... I was in such bad debt that I honestly didn't know if I would ever get out! I prayed and prayed about it... I did feel hopeless at times... But I eventually got out... I learned what I could and couldn't live without... It was hard but it was a learning experience! I am still not as finacially stable as I would like to be, but I am ok!

Keep your head up! You will make it through this! And it will make you a stronger person! I promise!

Have a great thursday!

Krystal said...

I am so right there with you on this! I finished nursing school after 3 years and still live paycheck to paycheck. I'm hoping that changes after I pass my RN boards and will be making some more money. The scripture you posted was great!! Looks like we're all kind of in the same boat, unfortunately! It's gonna get better, I'll be praying for you too!!

THE Stephanie said...

Keep your head up. Your very right, God has a plan and he hasn't left you! Sometimes we want to see the big picture but what God wants for us is to just see the next step.

Keep walking, girl!

Melissa said...

You know I'm feeling that way, but for different reasons! That first verse you posted is the same one you gave me in a comment yesterday and I really have found it to be very comforting and reassuring, so thank you! :)

Todd and Courtney said...

I soooo understand. I finished school with a Bachelors in Psychology and went on to work in Pharmaceutical Sales before I had Lauren. I was a nursing major before and had fear I couldn't hack it. Well, I've enrolled in school again to get my 2nd degree and start an Anatomy class next week, yikes! We can do it and you can do it too :)

Happy Little Camps Family said...

Oh Lauren, honey I completely understand where you are coming from. I have been contemplating writing a blog very similar to this one. I too have not taken advantage of the brains God has given me by finishing soon. I completely have the drive now, but at this point not the money to go. I can also very much identify the idea that people can be scared of success...that is me too. I couldn't begin to tell you why or how because I want it more than ever, but it's been tough. I have a great family and a little girl that means the world to me that I have the pleasure of raising thanks to my hard working hubby. I am ready for my turn, to make the big bucks, make a complete difference in our lives financially. Our finances are also a huge mess with Brandon being out of work since Feb. I am so thankful for the job out here in's so hard with friends and family 2500 miles away. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and I love ya girl!!

Keep your head up and just know that God's got it all in control.

Happy Little Camps Family said...

Finishing school is what I not soon.

Whitney said...

We've ALL been there, Lauren and anyone who says they haven't is lying. You are going to be just fine! You're an amazing, gifted, God-fearing/loving woman and if you just fix your eyes on Him you'll be right where you'll be right where you're supposed to be!
I love you!

a boy a girl and a pug said...

your honesty is so inspiring friend! i love you for it! i hold dear to jeremiah 29:11 too! i'll be praying for you and always here if you need to chat.

Jess :) said...

Well, sister...I'm WITH YOU!! I often feel the same and wonder if God just 'forgot' about me as well. I know, we both know, it's not true...but it doesn't mean it's not frustrating at times.

I love that you are able to write this all out and share it. I don't feel like I can. So, I love being able to come read your words and know that I'm not alone. You're such a blessing.

Jessica @ Acting Adult said...

Oh honey I know exactly where you are. It's so hard being in the trenches and not knowing when life is going to get a bit easier, with getting a new job or moving on or whatever the case may be. You're just doing the right thing - looking to God to help you through it. He doesn't give us more than we can handle.

Jacquie said...

I pray that He will show you what your every step should be. This was a good post, Lauren. He has your attention... that's a good place to be!

The Nashville Nosher said...

this speaks to me so much. I hate being a captive of money and living paycheck to paycheck. being a teacher with a mortgage, car payment, and student loans there isn't too much I can do about it. But I did cancel my cable to the other day (you can watch basically everything you want online!) and am planning to cancel the data plan on my phone too. TOo much junk wasting my time and money!

Kristen @ said...

I definitely feel this post. Sounds like my life right now and I know a lot of other people are there too. Thanks for sharing.