Doubt, Fear, and Confusion!

Sounds like a pretty light-hearted post, huh?

I bet each of you reading this has dealt with these emotions at one time or another.

I’ve had this whole week off from school. It’s been very nice. It has also given me a lot of time to think and re-evaluate my priorities and what I consider important to me.

You’re more than welcome to skip this post but I’m writing this for me more than anything. I just need to type this out and process my feelings. I really feel like I haven’t lived up to my potential when it comes to school. In fact, I know I haven’t. It really all boils down to laziness. I can’t chalk it up to anything else. Sometimes it’s my own fear of failure that holds me back. And it’s true that one can be afraid of success. Have any of you ever dealt with this? How did you work thru it?

I’m also really trying to get out of some debt and the debt isn’t going to get rid of itself on its own. I have been living way beyond my means and I really didn’t realize just how much so until recently. It’s nothing I can’t get out of with a lot of hard work on my part. But I’ve found myself living in a lot of fear this past week concerning my finances. Worried that I’ll never get my head above water. Worried that I’ll always be living paycheck to paycheck. And frankly, that’s what I’m doing right now. I feel like I’ll never get out of this receptionist job that I’ve been at for 7 years. Yes, 7 years. But praise God, it’s a job, when so many people out there are jobless, and my needs have always been provided for. My bills have always been paid and I’ve never lacked. And I always try to remember that when fear wants to overtake me. I try to remember that there will come a time when I can live comfortably and will have a house to call my own someday.

There will come a time when school will become a distant memory and I’ll be established in my career and making a life for myself. But I’ll be honest, that day seems so far off and often times I find myself crying out to God, “There has got to be more to life than this”…, and still at times am doubtful that I'll see the completion of school. But I try to remember this verse:

Jeremiah 29:11 - 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'

These words give me so much encouragement when sometimes I’m just so confused as to where I’m at in this season of my life right now. Some seasons are shorter than others and this one has just seemed like a very looooong one.

But nonetheless, it’s a season in which God is trying to teach me, stretch me, and mold and shape me to prepare me for the next season of my life. I’ve begun to look at myself though, I mean really look at myself…. And I think I’ve been resisting to try to see what God is trying to do during this season because I’ve been pouting away in my little corner and a little upset with God because this season has lasted far longer than I’ve ever wanted it to.

I’ll be honest, at times I feel like I’m a forgotten one, and that I’ve been left on this path to walk around aimlessly with no direction. BUT I know this is not true.

So, have you found yourself in a similar time in life filled with doubt, fear, and confusion?

2 Timothy 1:7- ‘For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.’

Philippians 3:14- ‘I press on toward the goal to win the prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward.

So this is where I find myself right now. Putting myself before God and asking him to show himself in the midst of my doubt, fear, and confusion.