Yesterday was a pretty bizarre day!
As most of you know, I talk alot about my Mom here on the blog. But very rarely talk about my Dad.
The relationship with my Dad is a very interesting one and will probably spend a lifetime trying to figure it out.
But it is what it is.
So imagine my surprise when my sister-in-law called me up yesterday and invited me over to the house because my Dad was going to be coming over for dinner.
My first reaction was to say, "huh"? Because I had no clue he was even here.
See my Dad and I don't have much communication and every now and then we'll go through email spurts but I seriously hadn't talked to him in awhile.
So I tossed back and forth as to whether or not I should go because I had school.
No sooner I hang up the phone with my SIL I leave my desk for a few minutes and come back and my Dad is sitting in the lobby of my office.
Totally took me by surprise.
I should back up and say that the whole reason my Dad was in town was because he was driving thru. His job had him in NC and he was driving back home to TX and so he stopped in town for a couple of days and plus he hadn't seen his granddaughter yet that was born in August.
We chatted for while in the lobby and then he left.
And then that was when I lost it. I just cried. Everytime I see him it's like something opens up each time. I'll think I'm okay with the way things are and when I see him, it's like the scabs come off the unhealed wounds.
I crave this relationship with him that I'm just never going to have and I have to come to a place of acceptance of that. And I think this is something I'll always have to work through.
So at the end I really felt I needed to go to my brother's house and my brother and I had a nice visit and dinner with my Dad. As we were about to leave my dad made a comment that really didn't sit well with me.
It was then that I could have chosen that one little thing to overshadow the nice evening we had with him and to ruin it all. And frankly, I'm not going to be able to change my Dad. But as I began to think about it, I remembered something I had read earlier that day, perspective is all in how you see a situation.
I may have never had the "butterfly kisses" (that song just kills me when I hear it).
I may never have a Dad who truly knows me.
I may never get that warm fuzzy feeling that most daughter's typically have for their Father's.
There is something so special about the father/daughter relationship, and I just may never have that, for reasons unknown to me.
But what I do know, he's the father God has chosen for me, and I love him.
And I'm just grateful for one evening with him.
1 hour ago