Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Unexpected visitor!

Yesterday was a pretty bizarre day!

As most of you know, I talk alot about my Mom here on the blog. But very rarely talk about my Dad.

The relationship with my Dad is a very interesting one and will probably spend a lifetime trying to figure it out.

But it is what it is.

So imagine my surprise when my sister-in-law called me up yesterday and invited me over to the house because my Dad was going to be coming over for dinner.

My first reaction was to say, "huh"? Because I had no clue he was even here.

See my Dad and I don't have much communication and every now and then we'll go through email spurts but I seriously hadn't talked to him in awhile.

So I tossed back and forth as to whether or not I should go because I had school.

No sooner I hang up the phone with my SIL I leave my desk for a few minutes and come back and my Dad is sitting in the lobby of my office.

Totally took me by surprise.

I should back up and say that the whole reason my Dad was in town was because he was driving thru. His job had him in NC and he was driving back home to TX and so he stopped in town for a couple of days and plus he hadn't seen his granddaughter yet that was born in August.

We chatted for while in the lobby and then he left.

And then that was when I lost it. I just cried. Everytime I see him it's like something opens up each time. I'll think I'm okay with the way things are and when I see him, it's like the scabs come off the unhealed wounds.

I crave this relationship with him that I'm just never going to have and I have to come to a place of acceptance of that. And I think this is something I'll always have to work through.

So at the end I really felt I needed to go to my brother's house and my brother and I had a nice visit and dinner with my Dad. As we were about to leave my dad made a comment that really didn't sit well with me.

It was then that I could have chosen that one little thing to overshadow the nice evening we had with him and to ruin it all. And frankly, I'm not going to be able to change my Dad. But as I began to think about it, I remembered something I had read earlier that day, perspective is all in how you see a situation.

I may have never had the "butterfly kisses" (that song just kills me when I hear it).

I may never have a Dad who truly knows me.

I may never get that warm fuzzy feeling that most daughter's typically have for their Father's.

There is something so special about the father/daughter relationship, and I just may never have that, for reasons unknown to me.

But what I do know, he's the father God has chosen for me, and I love him.

And I'm just grateful for one evening with him.

27 comments:

Simply Bonkers! said...

Wow...what a surprise. I kind of know how you feel. But I have mended my relationship with my father. It took a long time, though. I am praying for you!

Rebecca Jo said...

Oh friend... those last sentences made my heart just reach out to you...

You are so special to find God working in this situation... & to keep a positive attitude with it.

And what a sweet soul you are to even keep communication open to your dad when most would walk away completely... you'll find blessings in your openness...

Know your HEAVENLY FATHER was with you last night as well! :) HUGS!!!

thisjourneyofmylife said...

This is my first time commenting on a post of yours (I've discovered your blog last week), but I just couldn't read this post without commenting.
It sounds like your relation with your father is a lot like the relationship I have with my father. I too find the song 'Butterfly kisses' hard to listen to. My father never even gave my normal kisses, he has never told me he loves me, he has no idea what I like or find important ...
I try to see him a few times a year, but it's hard to accept he's never going to change. It's hard to accept that I have no idea what a normal father-daughter relationship looks like. It's hard, but you'll be able to accept it in the end. It takes time.
(my father has autism and a narcissism spectrum disorder)

Alex and Jill said...

I am just crying after reading this. I think every girl wants (and needs) a relationship with her earthly father. I'm so thankful for my Daddy. I forget that not everyone has that. Thank you for writing this post.

((hugs))

Lianna Knight said...

So sweet Lauren. I knew when I saw your tweet that you would have a hard day yesterday...especially after we had talked at Chili's that day.

I am so thankful you had the time to spend with your dad and although it might not be what you had hoped for, I know you are thankful to have seen him and spend time with him :)

amy (metz) walker said...

Good for you for not letting that one comment overshadow the rest of the day! I admire you for that because can't imagine how hard that was to not let those emotions and hurts flare up.

I'm so sorry for your heartache!

Our Baby "D" said...

I just stumbled upon your blog from Megan's "In This Wonderful Life..." and I felt the need to comment!

Beautiful post. I kind of have the same relationship with my father, although he lives in town so it's not as easy? to keep distance. You have an amazing strength that I do not yet have.
My father and I will never get along and have a father-daughter relationship that is what I've longed for. I don't know if it makes it harder that he has such a close relationship with my younger sister.
Know that you aren't alone, but that you are an inspiration to those of us in similar situations. I hope to one day have such grace!

Heather said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kaysie said...

I'm glad you were able to have a visit with your dad, even if it wasn't what you had hoped or expected it to be. I somewhat know what you're going through in that my soon to be father in law has a strained relationship with my fiance and his siblings. It makes it tough, but really the only thing you can do is try to make the best out of what the Lord has bestowed upon you. I envy your positive outlook, girl! :)

Rosie said...

I'm so sorry that you don't have a relationship with your dad. I'm sure the older you get, the easier it is to be like "it is what it is", but I know it still hurts.
It's good that you got to spend time with him yesterday though. I know you must have had a ton of feelings that got brought up so I'm sure it was very difficult. Thanks for sharing this post.
Love ya!

katiealange said...

Girls and their Dads always have interesting relationships I feel like. Either super close or not...

My relationship with my Dad is much like yours, and out of the blue mine emailed me this morning and I was more surprised than anything.

I feel like these things take time and I completely understand how you feel.

Katie said...

Lauren, you are precious, and I'm sorry you don't have the relationship with your dad that you would like.

Love you, friend.

Staci said...

You're amazing Lauren! You're a child of God who KNOWS that she is loved beyond a shadow of a doubt by her heavenly Father.

Thank you for your transparency and raw honesty in this post. God has GREAT things in store for you!!

Paige said...

I am praying for you and for your dad!

Jessica @ Acting Adult said...

Wow, I can't imagine having a relationship other than the one I had with my dad. I'm glad that you were able to spend some time with him and see about mending that relationship.

Spicy Magnolia said...

Oh, friend, I want to give you the biggest hug. And I'm so thankful that in the midst of it all, you know your Father's love. May you be assured of it all the more!

Jenni said...

I can totally and completely relate to this post. My relationship with my dad has been far from functional for a very long time, and not by my choosing. I feel very abandoned by him and it really DOES make me sad that I am missing out on that father/daughter relationship because my dad chose not to have it. You are NOT alone girl. Like "they" say, just because you have a child doesn't mean you're a father. It's really too bad.

Meg said...

aw friend...I'm so sorry. Just remember that God is your #1 dad and he loves you to pieces. Not only that be he knows every corner of your heart and desires to know you and for you to know him. I read once in this book by Stormie Omartian that because she didn't have a good relationship with her mom she always felt like she was missing something. When she was married and gave birth to a daughter, she realized that God was making it possible for her to have a mother-daughter relationship at last! (except she was the mom now!) I'm praying that God has the same plans for you my friend!

BARBIE said...

I don't have that kind of relationship with my father either. I know he did the best He could, but I was not raised in a Christian home. I wish I were closer to him. But I am so thankful for Him. Praying the love of your Heavenly Father will overwhelm you today.

katie@tulsadetails said...

That is quite a surprise. I am glad you had a good visit despite the down moment. Thinking of you!

EmmyLou said...

Lauren! I'm so impressed with you and your attitude!! I am still learning that while I might not know why God puts us in our specific family units- there is always purpose and reason!!

Jacquie said...

So sorry. It's kinda of strange to me that you posted this today... Tyler's girlfriend just wrote a very similar post. It is just so sad to me.

Perfectly Imperfect said...

Oh Lauren, I just read this and my heart breaks for you. There is nothing quite as special as that Daddy/daughter relationship and I'm so sorry yours isn't what you dreamed it would be but I think its awesome how you handle it. I think it's admirable how you keep the lines of communication open.

AndreaLeigh said...

my relationship with my dad is .... strange. I mean, I know he loves me bc I'm his daughter. I love him bc he's my father. But can I really talk to him? Does he know what I like and dislike? No. Our relationship is strained. We only do well with one another when there is a buffer, like my mom or husband present.

I'm sorry you are experiencing this. I think we all long for this perfect relationship with our parents. Just remember you do have a Father who knows you and loves you inside and out. :)

Smiling is Good for Your Teeth said...

wow, that is a surprise! I hope that dinner went well and that was nice of him to stop by!

sandra said...

i will never be able to admit/type exactly what you just did. you're awesome.

Marie said...

I have a similar relationship with my dad, and it's taken a long time and a lot of heartache to be ok with it and know it will never be the relationship I desire. Thank you for sharing this with us - I pray you will find peace one day.