Monday, April 30, 2012

Hammer on the nail.

You know that scripture in Psalms that talks about the deer panting for streams of water? I am that deer. I’ve been in a desert and I’ve been looking for water, something, anything to quench my thirst, and boy did I get a WELL of water handed to me this weekend. I walked into a church conference this weekend a deer, my heart opened wide, and just begging for the Lord to speak to me in some way, just to let me know that he was there and that he was listening.

One point during the conference we all had a mask that they made for each of us women that was given to us. The front of the mask is what the world sees, and the inside part of the masks are the hidden areas of our lives we don’t want others to see. So on the back part of the mask they asked us to write down all those hidden areas, the secret places that we hide and don’t want others to see, all the *junk* we’re dealing with. Then they placed a wooden cross at the front of the stage. They supplied us with hammer and nails in which we were to hammer those masks with all our *junk* to the cross and leave it at the cross.  The praise and worship team then went into a beautiful time of worship and one by one women after women came up and started hammering and nailing their masks to the cross. Amidst the music all you could hear was bang, bang, bang…. Hammer after hammer hitting the nails. It was the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard IN MY LIFE. It was the sound of pure freedom with each bang of the nail. So I felt in my spirit it was my time to go up and get to hammering. I got my hammer and my nail. Bang, I hit the nail…. Bye rejection. I banged, with the hammer again, Bye insecurity. I banged once again, Bye fear. Bang, Bye resentment and anger towards my real Father. Bang, I won’t be defined by my Turner Syndrome or hearing loss, Bye! You get the theme here. With each bang of the hammer hitting that nail, I just felt each and every thing hindering me being released. So I hit the nail one last time and handed the hammer to the next woman behind me. At that point they opened the alter up front and the music was still going. I knelt down just to be still, soak in his presence and his goodness. I feel an arm wrap around me and this woman says, can I pray for you. I say yes, please. We spent a beautiful time in prayer. With each word she’s speaking the tears are just flowing. We hugged each other at the end, and I got up to go back to my seat feeling lighter than I have in a VERY long time. So I get back to my seat and they start singing “Healing is in Your Hands” (the song sung at Larry’s funeral) I.Lost.It … and the water dam opened up. Tears of release, tears of joy, tears of sadness, and tears of hope all rolled into one.

The whole conference was just such an intimate time with the Lord.

Psalm 139:
You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

How amazing is this scripture? He knows me so very intimately, he pursues me and chases after me. He knew me before the foundations of the earth and before I was even in my mother’s womb. As much as I love the Lord, my heart has struggled with my self-worth that is found in him. That knowledge is planted in my heart, but it’s getting that to my head. Oh but man, when you can just get that in your head.

The whole theme of the conference was making peace with your past, finding purpose in the present, and passion for the future. God met me right where I was at. He is an ON TIME God. Never too early, never too late. This was a “Whoa Lauren you needed to be here” kind of a thing.

It’s true, you will find God when you seek him with all of your heart.

Okay, stepping down from the pulpit now, ha!! 

I pray if you're reading this, and you need to get your own hammer and nails. DO IT! 

Get the hammer on the nail.


Mallory said...

This is such a beautiful post, Lauren! I had a similar day on April 5th. That was the day I got baptized. About 10 minutes before I decided to get baptized (or, really, the Lord decided I needed to, I didn't have control that night!), I went up and prayed with a ministry team that was at the event that night, and as I explained my need, and the guys prayed for me, I started full-out, body-shaking sobbing, overwhelmed with everything I was feeling. It was like it finally hit just how much God loves me! I'm so glad you were able to get that release that I know, as humans, we all struggle with.

Katie Cook said...

This is so beautiful Lauren. I'm so glad you felt the FREEDOM of Christ! Thank you for sharing! An incredible book i've read that has changed my life regarding freedom in Christ is called "Overflowing Fullness" by Kierra Blaser! amazing:)

Kristin said...

Sounds amazing!! So glad that you were blessed by the weekend!!