I started off this Friday morning by going to the doctor.
I honestly feel like my whole life I’ve been in and out of doctors offices. I could be a millionaire if I got all the money back I’ve paid to doctors.
With that said, PRAISE.GOD.FOR.INSURANCE. And you know what; it could be a whole lot worse. I don’t have some life threatening illness, and so for that I count my blessings.
Anyhow, I haven’t talked about this a whole lot but I’ve been having some arm and elbow issues which has caused limited range of motion in my left arm. Have no idea what caused this. I’m a freak of nature I tell ya. The doctor wants me to go in for an MRI because he’s really concerned about the lack of range of motion, and not to mention, it can be painful but I’ve just been managing and dealing with it.
About a year or so ago I went to him previously when this all started and he sent me to physical therapy and the physical therapist wasn’t really seeing the desired results, and so he suggested I go back to the doctor. And here we are almost a year later. And as you can guess, I never went back. I could kick myself, because I did not follow up on that. I think it was more out of fear, fear of what the doctor would say. Fear of surgery and the money that would have to be forked out. Most of all fear because my future depends on it as far a career goes. I’m going to school to become a court reporter, so worried about how all this may affect that, depending on what I hear from the doctor after the MRI.
But regardless, God’s in control and he has a plan, whatever that may be. This isn’t anything God hasn’t brought me through before. And whatever it is, I can and will handle it. I say, bring it on.
So, just pray that it’s nothing major and something that can be easily worked out.
This past Sunday I had the opportunity to try out a new church we’ve wanted to try and it’s relatively close to the house. So we woke up Sunday and said why not try out the church.
Have you ever had a time in your life where you just knew it was by divine appointment? Where everything aligned just right and you knew you were at the exact place you needed to be at the exact moment you needed to be there?
Well, this was one of those times.
Like seriously, the moment the praise and worship started, the tears were flowing.
The message was phenomenal and had me on the edge of my seat the whole time. It was the very first teaching on a series the Pastor is starting called “Restoring you back to your future.” Really the whole message was based on when people don’t have vision, they go back to their past, and not to their future. They played a clip from the movie Back to the Future which just really reiterated and drove the point home.
There was so much to chew on, and seriously the service almost lasted 2.5 hours and I never looked at the clock once. By typing these words I really can’t do it justice.
I don’t have a hard past. Our family has been through a lot, but the Lord has really guided and protected me to make the right decisions and to live with a mindset of “what would Jesus do?”…
But for me when it comes to my past, it would have to be the area of old mindsets and thought patterns that like to creep up every now and then that I haven’t fully dealt with, that if I let it, can keep my from my future. The future God has for me.
I’m going to be honest here; it took someone who I am in great relationship with to call me out. I didn’t see it within myself, but I have a tendency to be judgmental. Judgmental not in a sense where I’m harsh, but in a sense that if I’m put in an environment or put in a situation where I’m around people whose belief systems and lifestyle do not align with mine, I can get very very uncomfortable. And it can hinder me from meeting new people and forming new relationships. I’m learning all this is okay, but to do it in such a way where you’re not compromising. I NEVER want to have a holier than thou attitude. I didn’t realize it, but I was being judgmental without even knowing it and can affect a lot of areas of your life. And I’ve learned that sometimes I speak when I just need to keep my mouth shut.
Wow. What a moment for me. God revealed a lot to me. Hard pill to swallow, but necessary.
I’m kind of getting off track here. But there are so many areas as far as thoughts and mindsets go from the past that like I said, if I let it, can hinder my future.
The biggest point that was stressed during the message is sometimes God has to take you back…, to get you to your future. Does that make sense?
Oh, how I wish I could explain this adequately.
Anyway, suffice to say, this is just one of many areas of our life which can hold us back.
I left that service knowing I had to do a mind and heart evaluation. I have to continually pray each day that my thoughts will align with his and can withstand the times when those old ways like to creep back in. I pray for clarity and vision in the areas of my life I want to change.
And I know day by day he is restoring me back to my future.
I’m not saying this to get on my soapbox. But this was a moment of truth and such clarity for me and thought it was worth sharing.
Who knows what God is doing by me attending this church, and this church is not my home church, but I’ll be there for the rest of this series if anything.
Gah, how did I get from early 20s to creeping into the late 20s? Frankly, it scares me. Not the age so much, but scared as to how fast time is going by. Honestly, not dreading the 30s because word on the street is they are way better then your 20s. I feel like the 20s are tough because you're still trying to figure out who you are. Well, at least to me it feels that way.
I had an interesting question asked to me the other day. I was with a friend and we were in conversation and she said, “So, what’s your life plan?”
Um, what? My life plan? Like what my plans are for dinner kind of plans?
But deep down I knew what she meant. Such as, where do I want life to take me. What are my dreams, hopes, goals, and aspirations for my life.
I've thought about that question ever since.
I’m almost 27 years old and I had absolutely NO idea how to answer that question.
Sometimes I feel like I’m just trying to get through each day, and can’t look beyond that.
I’m in court reporting school which is taking me far longer than I expected. And scared to death of the student loans that I’m going to be faced with.
I’m in a job that I’m blessed to have, but know it’s not going to be my “forever” job. And at times questioning God as to why he has kept me here for so long. I feel like my season was up forever ago, but guess not.
I’m not married.
Obviously no kids.
Still living at home.
Still trying to work my way to getting financially secure and working one day at a time at that.
All the while wondering what direction my life is taking. So I think of that question, and I’m left thinking, forget my plan, what’s God’s life plan for me?
And still trying to figure that out.
I think of the lyrics to a particular song by the christian group Mikes Chair called "Someone worth dying for"... And I wanna believe, I wanna believe
I'm not just a wandering soul
That you don't see and you don't know
And one other truth I know:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
Oh my gosh, can't believe this weekend is over. It flew!!
It has been a busy but FUN one!!
Friday night I went and saw the movie Something Borrowed with Michelle.
It was so fun and such a super super cute movie. I read the book, and so it was fun to compare. It did vary but still loved it anyway. Michelle, we need to get together again SOON!!
Then Saturday morning I was up early for my first 5k run.
My sister and I.
Me with my Mom and her hubby.
About to cross the finish line.
Mission accomplished. I'm the one in the green in front of the lady in pink shirt. (You can see the time in this picture above the FINISH).
I DID IT!!!!! I really did it. It meant the world to have my family come out and support me and to watch me cross the finish line. The 5k was so much fun and already looking for future runs. I am hooked. There is nothing like crossing that finish line and the energy was amazing. WooHoo... I'm an official 5ker :)
Saturday afternoon I got to meet up with Kari. She is a twitter friend I've been looking forward to meeting. She was in the Orlando area for the day and so she asked if I wanted to meet up at the mall with her and we were able to hang out for a few hours. It was so wonderful to get to meet her, just sad we didn't have alot of time. Then Saturday night I baby-sat and didn't get home till super super late. It was a full day and I was exhausted.
This morning we went to church with my brother and his family because my baby niece was getting dedicated.
My older niece's face cracked me up in this picture.
My Mom, Granny, me, my sister (3 generations), and my sister-in-law.
They go to a real cute little country church. It was a sweet time and glad we were able to be there.
Then we went out for lunch at a little hole-in-the-wall place right on the the water that just opened up down from my brother and SIL's house. Seriously, these types of places are the best. The food did not disappoint.
Girl loves her lemons, ha!
Face after the lemon, cracks me up!
Their motto is, "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade." :)
Momma and her girls.
HAHA!! Being goofy.
Best slaw dog EVER!! (had already taken a bite out of it, ha)
Daddy and his girls.
It was the perfect day. My Mom had a great mother's day being with all her kids. I talk about my mom alot on the blog and so it's no surprise when I say she is one of my best friends, my great advice giver, prayer warrior, my listener, the person who makes me laugh, and the one I'm blessed to call Mom!! She is this and so much more!!
Hope all you moms have had a GREAT Mother's Day! And know today can be hard for those who have lost a mom or longing to be a mom. I've been thinking and praying for each and every one of you.
For all your Glee watchers, I don’t know if you caught last week’s episode but it really hit me and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since. The whole message of that particular episode was just great. It was all about self-acceptance and seeing the beauty within yourself.
Wow. This song from that episode. What a message.
I have mentioned a time or two on the blog about dealing with hearing loss practically all my life and I wear a hearing aid.
I’ve had this for about a year or so now. It’s called a bone anchored hearing aid. As women, we want to feel beautiful. I’m just being honest when I say I still struggle with this.
Do I want to have to wear this thing? No.
Do I want to hear? Yes.
It’s so easy to feel unpretty when you compare yourself to other girls. I often struggle with wondering if I’ll ever find a guy who will love me, all of me, and accept me with all of my flaws.
I’m not fishing for compliments of “Oh, you’re so beautiful Lauren” and etc. I’ve never considered my hearing loss a disability but rather something I’d just have to overcome and believed that somehow God would use this in my life.
I’m just like any other girl, and as women we struggle with insecurities and those insecurities come in all different forms.
Whether you frequent this blog or just reading for the first time….. I’m here to say, whatever you are dealing with or may have dealt with in the past, don’t ever let anyone or anything make you feel unpretty.
When I have those thoughts, I have to realize they are a flat out lies from the enemy.
You may never know how God may use a situation. I’d really love to one day learn sign language and help the hearing impaired.
We have a big God, and he can use us in big ways, and he will NEVER see us as unpretty!
Just thought I’d pop in for a little running update:
This whole running experience has been something. I started off strong with about three weeks of training at the beginning for my 5k run before my knees crapped out on me and spent a week off from running trying to figure out what the heck is going on with me. Then I was introduced to the KT tape and that was a lifesaver and haven’t had knee issues since. Did about another week or so of training (maybe a little longer) and then I got sick and so this last week I didn’t run. And then I got back at it this morning. I’ll be running this week and then I have my 5k THIS Saturday. Yes, this Saturday. Ha!
Some might say this is not enough time to prepare. But I’m really just going into this for the experience. I’m not looking for the best time. I might have to walk some or I might surprise myself and run more than I think I can. The point is, I’m doing it!!!
My plan after the 5k is to finish up with the c25k program (at this point I’m only half way through it) and if all goes well with this race, then set my eyes and goals on another race.
I’m no expert but don’t have to be to tell you running is purely about self-motivation and self-talk. You literally have to be your biggest cheerleader. It’s what keeps you going when you want to give up. It’s about setting goals and running towards them.
Never in my life did I think I’d remotely enjoy running.
Never in my life would I have thought I’d sign up for a 5k run.
Never in my life did I think I’d be disciplined enough to consistently wake up around 5am to run.
Never in my life did I know I had it in me to make it around the block, ha.
Never in my life did I know I’d have amazing support along the way.
Never in my life would I have thought that the next time you hear from me on the running front, I would have completed my first 5k.
Being in a relationship with God teaches you a whole lot. God himself is quite the teacher.
But I thoroughly believe God puts people in your life to be your greatest teachers. My Mom is one of those people for me.
This weekend my Mom had to work all weekend which included Saturday and all day Sunday. Saturday night we decided we would all go out to dinner, thought it would be good for her to get out after being cooped up in the office all day.
We went to a local place called Fish Bones and we just sat outside enjoying each other, enjoying the food, and the entertainment.
The one thing I’ve always admired about my Mom is her ability to live in the moment. Maybe because she’s not attached to Facebook or Twitter (in fact, the VERY opposite) and doesn’t feel the need to document her every move, ha!
I’m telling you, after every bite of food she must have made a comment about how good it was. She was savoring every piece of food that went into her mouth. She was swaying and singing along to every SINGLE song that the entertainer on the guitar was playing. I seriously thought she was going to get up and start dancing right there at the table, ha.
My sister had her phone in her hand constantly. And must admit, I checked my phone a time or two. Because, who knows what I could be missing on Twitter.
Mom must have said over and over again I am just so happy to be out and enjoying my family. And must have thanked us over and over again for taking her out.
((herein comes the guilt))
In reality, who cares what I’m missing on Twitter or Facebook for that matter when it comes to spending time with my family.
There’s some major reprioritizing of when that blackberry of mine needs to be put away. I’m probably the guiltiest of them all.
I look back and think of how many moments I could have possibly missed out on and fully enjoying them, all because I wasn’t fully present. Yes, our physical bodies might be there, but how many moments have we missed out on because our mind and thoughts weren’t fully there?
It's like we're giving people half of us, and not all. It's not fair. And it's not right.
I just look back on Saturday night and just see it as a teachable moment for me.
A lesson from my life’s greatest teacher.
In my 20s my Mom is still teaching me… And don’t know if she always knows it, but she does. It’s not a test of # two pencils. But it’s a test as to whether you’re going to let the lesson pass you by, or learn and grow from it.
Twitter, Facebook, and all that, it can wait.
Nothing is worth more than this day.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
I would hope that when I look back on my life that I can look back with great certainty that my purpose was served here on earth. That I loved God with my whole heart, loved people, and loved well. I love blessing others. It's much better to give then to receive. I know that there's an amazing God that loves me and will never leave me nor forsake me. There's alot of peace in that when this world can let us down. He's my constant, the one thing that remains the same in this ever changing life of mine. I look towards the future with great hope and expectancy. With hope that God has an amazing path for me, and just pray that my every step will be guided and directed by him as I walk this journey called life!
Thank you for coming by. My hope is that through this page you will find some kind of enjoyment and inspiration. Tell others about it and keep checking in. If you want to contact me my e-mail is LaurenBella6@hotmail.com :o)